And so it goes

And finally the day, I have been waiting for is finally here - 8th June 2007. I kept on thinking about this day for the past few days. Kept on recalling on the memories, the choices I've made all these while. Of course, the night sweats and blushes have decreased and sometimes I went for a few loong days of not experiencing any. The duration is shorter too. So that's a good sign.

Of course, the same can't be said about my mood swing though. At times, it was really bad as I was easily upset even with simple-simple things like punctuality etc. And the thing is, I don't realise that I do until I've done it. It was simply uncontrollable. And of course, I cried ALOT. I was so sensitive that evn watching TV shows made me cried (and mind you, I came on mid-way to the show so not knowing whats happening but I cried buckets). Rather embarrassing but heck it!!.. But I am also glad that this time round, my mood swing was more inclined towards being reflective and sad. Unlike in the past where it was more of a defensive and offensive nature. Now, I am usually in a state of calmness and so I trust that it is a good thing.

Despite feeling calm and pretty much guess what the outcome would be, I was still feeling quite nervous. Speculating on it versus hearing it "live" are two different reality. And so I waited and waited and waited till finally.

The doctor is nice and emphatic. She told me as it is that indeed what we have been speculating is true afterall. Indeed, I am now diagnosed with having it. Next step is to find out its causes and what to do next. One of them is to undergo another round of test on my chromosome. It is said that sometimes in cases of rare chromosomes, it can cause one to have POF. If the result is negative, then we reckon, its God'd will. After which, is to determine the types of HRT as well as counselling. The main thing is to prevent any other health complications in the future due to POF.

Amazing huh? In just a day, everything comes to a standstill. All your life, you've been going through it in the way other normal people would - running, eating, sleeping, schooling, working, love, hate, likes, dislike, family, friends, foe, colleagues etc. But little do you know that in going through life, something is amiss unknowingly.

Of course, I was upset but I don't know, around people, I tend to be more positive. I guess I am positive all along but its just that sometimes, in my own private moment, I think about stuffs and that kinda got me sad and upset with myself. So I tried to not think so much these days. A few friends came up to give comforting and positive words. Some uses God as a pillar of strength. Some uses their own near-experience of inability to conceive as a comfort. Of which, I am all thankful for.

I have learnt that life doesn't stop for me now that I have it. I still have my dreams, my future, the things I want to achieve in my life. Perhaps some things now have to forgo or let go of like having my own kids but hey! Adopting is all the same too right?.. And ya, perhaps taking my health extra carefully from herein. Its a scary road to take indeed cause I've asked the doctor if there is more of cases like mine. She replied several but she doesn't divulge much on the details. Doctor-Patient confidentiality sorta to say. Oh well, I now await for my test results and what do we do next.

My name is Siti. I have "Pre-mature Ovarian Failure". And this is my story......................................