3 months

3 months passed yet again and its now 5th April 2007.

To be honest, I have sorta given up on the whole process. I have accepted that I may have POF and its a reality, I must accept. I no longer wish to be proven otherwise. No longer have hopes and beliefs for things to be otherwise. Yes, some of my friends said that God is the creator of us all and He has a plan for everyone. Thus not to lose any hope on being able to conceive. Though it is true that there has been a small % of women with POF who conceives but you know what? I would rather be hopeless than to have hopes but will never materialises. I reckon, it is better to be in acceptance than in dark denial.

But I still go for my medical checks as my health is still a priority. The doctor took quite awhile before she asked me this, "..tell me that you have it after taking the pills..".. And I replied yes but only for a few days and no more. She was initially elated with the first reply and come the second, she was baffled. She then asked all those typical questions which I have answered for a dozens time each time I came. She was more baffled. But I like her because she was honest. She said that she has not seen nor experience with such cases before. I think sometimes, we forgot that doctors do ont necessarily have all the answers. They are but humans afterall and thats okay to be honest of not knowing. Empathy is good but so is honesty. And perhaps a sense of humor as well.. Hehehe..

Based on my results, everything is normal - from blood to my ovaries. The only variable that does not fit is the hormones level (FSH/LSH). So, she went to another doctor for consultation while I waited. A few minutes later she came back. She apologised for the fact that she does not have the answers that I seek for and neither does the other doctor. Reason being, such cases are very rare in our community. As such, she made me take another hormone test before they could diagnose (finally!!!). And after the diagnosis, they would need to run more tests to firstly find out why and how it could happen to a young adult as myself. And secondly, is to place me on a Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) which is basically a long-term medication care.

So yeah, I have never been soo happy in life to hear that word (diagnosis)................